everything forward

everything forward

ever had the feeling that you get more forwarded emails than you can handle? i do, thus this site. please don't get the idea that i am claiming ownership to all things posted here. i don't. i just want somewhere to store quotes, poems and inspiring, even funny articles i receive everyday via email. that's all there is to it.



Monday, December 12, 2005

Why We Love Kids

*NUDITY*

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

*HONESTY*

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.

*OPINIONS*

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."

*KETCHUP*

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."

*MORE NUDITY*

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?"

*POLICE NO. 1*

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
writing the report.

"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her.

"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you
please tie my shoe?"

*POLICE NO. 2
*

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and
I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he
asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

*ELDERLY*

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She
was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for
the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The
tooth fairy will never believe this!"

*DRESS-UP*

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the
next morning."

*DEATH*

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.

Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of
the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers
and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn..and into the
hole he gooooes."

*SCHOOL*

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting
my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they
won't let me talk!"

*BIBLE*

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called
out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's
voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

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