Marriage

WIFE VS HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...  30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same
time.

"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.  God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get
our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the Old Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. 

 

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

Just passing by ....

A minister passing through his church in the middle of the day,

Decided to pause by the altar and see who had come to pray.

Just then the back door opened, a man came down the aisle,
The minister frowned as he saw  the man hadn't shaved in a while.

His shirt was kind a shabby and his coat was worn and frayed,
the man knelt, he bowed his head, then rose and walked away.

In the days that followed, each noon time came this chap,
each time he knelt just for a moment, a lunch pail in his lap.

Well, the minister's suspicions grew, with robbery a main fear,
He decided to stop the man and ask him, "What are you doing here?"

The old man said, he worked down the road. Lunch was half an hour.
Lunchtime was his prayer time, for finding strength and power.

"I stay only moments, see, because the factory is so far away;
As I kneel here talking to the Lord, This is kind a what I say:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD, HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN. DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY. SO, JESUS, THIS IS JIM, CHECKING IN TODAY."

The minister feeling foolish, told Jim, that was fine.
He told the man he was welcome to come and pray just anytime.

Time to go, Jim smiled, said "Thanks." He hurried to the door.
The minister knelt at the altar, he'd never done it before.

His cold heart melted, warmed with love, and met with Jesus there.

 As the tears flowed, in his heart, he repeated old Jim's prayer:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD, HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN. I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY. SO, JESUS, THIS IS ME CHECKING IN TODAY."

 

Past noon one day, the minister noticed that old Jim hadn't come.

As more days passed without Jim, he began to worry some.

 

At the factory, he asked about him, learning he was ill.

The hospital staff was worried, but he'd given them a thrill.

 

The week that Jim was with them, brought changes in the ward.

His smiles, a joy contagious. Changed people, were his reward.

The head nurse couldn't understand why Jim was so glad,
When no flowers, calls or cards came, not a visitor he had.

The minister stayed by his bed, he voiced the nurse's concern:
No friends came to show they cared. He had nowhere to turn.

Looking surprised, old Jim spoke up and with a winsome smile;
"The nurse is wrong, she couldn't know, that in here all the while

 

Everyday at noon He's here, a dear friend of mine, you see,
He sits right down, takes my hand, leans over and says to me:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, JIM, HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND THIS FRIENDSHIP, AND I TOOK AWAY YOUR SIN.
ALWAYS LOVE TO HEAR YOU PRAY, I THINK ABOUT YOU EACH DAY,

AND SO JIM, THIS IS JESUS CHECKING IN TODAY."

If this blesses you, pass it on

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave
footprints in your heart.

May God hold you in the palm of His hand and Angels watch over you.

But for those of us who are already His, He not only holds us in the palm of His hand, but has engraved our names there, and we are continually in His sight (Isaiah 49:16)

Please pass this page on to your friends & loved ones. If you aren't ashamed.  Jesus said, " If you are ashamed of me," I will be ashamed of you before my Father." If you are not ashamed, pass this on . But only if you mean it.

Yes, I do love God. He is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and everyday. Without Him, I will be nothing. Without him, I am nothing but with Him "I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me." Phil 4:13

This is too good not to share -

So this is me ... Just Checking In

Think Positive

This is nice - finding positive out of every negative - which we don't always manage to do.

I am thankful...
 
1. For the husband who snores all night, because he is at home asleep with me and not with someone else. 
2. For my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means she is at home & not on the streets. 
3. For the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed. 
4. For the mess to clean after a party because it means that I have been surrounded by friends. 
5. For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat. 
6. For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine. 
7. For a floor that needs mopping, and windows that need cleaning because it means I have a home.
8. For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech. 
9. For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation. 
10. For the noise I have to bear from my neighbors because it means that I can hear.
11. For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.
12. For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard. 
13. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am stilll alive. 
 
AND FINALLY ....... for received e-mails because it means I have friends who are thinking of me, at least.
 

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates."You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!" 
 
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. 
 
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. 
 
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. 
 
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids,and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. 
 
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. 
 
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" 
 
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework,and have a strong romantic streak. 
 
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. 
 
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.     

A Cup of Coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old University of Notre Dame lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive c ups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups."

"Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."

"Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."